Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Changing The Conventional Beliefs About Love

Due to the festive time I'm halting my job (which is related with Computer) and back to the Spirituality. So, I myself regard this extract from a discourse by one Enlightened Master as one of the very common question and circumstances that every human being have to go through and every human being should understand it. 

It is ego that drives you to act as you know everything in front of others. But inside most of us suffer from the similar conditions. As we all know we can only change our life by changing our attitude. So, this speech / discourse from Enlightened Master has the Masala and spices to bring awareness and bring newer dimension into our attitude towards life and love; since life is love and love is life. Most of the educated ones have a belief (now it has almost turned into the educated people's instinct) that they need scientific proof to justify for any fact or incident / phenomenon. Remember friend science has only been able to define between conception and death. Science stays silent before conception and after death. And Love is also a phenomenon that happens between the time period of conception and death and yet Science has not been able to define what actually is Love? So, don't be strict scientific person otherwise you'll miss the greatest spice of your life. Anyway the discourse is very insightful and it goes on exactly like the following:
Questioner (Ferraro) : I have spent all my life trying to meet somebody who will really love me and who will accept to be really loved by me. All my attempts have been painful failures and I feel utterly desperate and rejected. What is wrong with me? How can I feel the love inside of me? How can I really meet and love myself. 
Answer: Ferraro the First step went wrong. And once the first step goes wrong  your whole journey goes wrong. You started for searching somebody who will really love you. That's where you went wrong. The basic thing is 'to love yourself'. If you love yourself you'll find many many people who love you because the person who loves himself becomes lovely, lovable. He attains to a grace in dignity. The person who doesn't love himself remains ugly because if you don't love yourself; you hate; there is no other choice. You can't be just neutral. Neutrality does not exist in life. Either you are this or you are that. If you don't love yourself; you hate and that very hate, you cripple yourself, you poison yourself.

How can you expect somebody to love you, if you are not willing to love yourself? Who is going to love you? Remember the famous statement of the Jewish Mystique 'Hillel'  "If you are not for yourself, then who is going to be for yourself". And the other part of the statement is also beautiful "If you are only for yourself, then what is the meaning of your life". This is the polarity, you have to love yourself, that is the first obligation towards yourself and the second thing is that not to get lost into that self love otherwise your life will not have significance. It can not have meaning. When you are able to love yourself then seek the other; then search the other and you'll find the whole earth is full of loving people, beautiful people. Just you were not beautiful, you were not flowing with love, you were not full of love. That's why you could not find anybody to love you. And that happens to many people, it is not only the case with you. Almost the majority suffers from the same problem. Everybody wants to be loved and nobody knows what love is? And nobody knows how to love oneself. Love is great art, people learn how to paint, people learn how to play music. For years people practice playing music, then slowly-slowly they become capable of creating something beautiful. Love is the greatest beauty and the greatest phenomenon and you never learned it. Everybody thinks that by just being born you are capable of love. That is nonsense. Life is an opportunity to learn what love is. Potential is there but potential has to be transmuted into actual. It is like everybody is potentially capable of swimming but that does not mean that you know what swimming is. You'll have to learn. It may look paradoxical but it is not. Meditate on this statement. "One has to learn to be that, which one is". Love is there; unrefined like diamond just found from the mines. The greatest diamond in the world is 'Kohinoor', when it was found for months, the person who has found it is not aware that he is the richest man on the earth. He gave the diamond to the children to play because he thought it only a beautiful stone; not even semi-precious. The children played with it. For months it remained with the children and then only it was discovered, it was discovered by someone who knew what diamonds are, a Jeweler could not believe his eyes, he had never seen such a big stone, such a big diamond. It is the biggest and then for centuries it has been refined and refined. Now, it is only 1/3 one-third of its original weight but the more it has been refined and polished, cut and polished the more and more valuable it has become. Now the weight is one-third but the value is millions times more. That's what happens to love too. Love is a diamond uncut, unpolished. You have to learn and it is a great art. It is like playing music on your own heart. It is like learning a dance in your innermost soul. A dance of energy and only when you are dancing with great energy and your heart is full of songs and your soul is a symphony you'll be able to find somebody to love you. When you are capable of sharing your energy. You'll find somebody to love you. You say, "I've spent all my life trying to meet somebody who will really love me". And what do you mean by 'really love me'. You must have an idea that is the second thing that went wrong. You have some idea what is real love? You must be a perfectionist and in life nothing is perfect. That's why things are beautiful. If in life things were perfect life would have been utter boredom. Burton Russel seems to be right when he says "I would not like to go to heaven, if there is any heaven". Because there you'll find only perfect people and life will be utterly boring. Just think of living with perfect people, everybody is perfect. That means there will be no more any growth, no evolution, nothing new will ever happen now. The people living in heaven, if there is any heaven must be stuck with each other bored, utterly bored and there is no way to anywhere else. Once you enter in heaven you cannot escape; there is no exit. 

Perfection creates a neurotic mind, the very idea of perfection is neurosis creating. Now you must be having some idea of real love. What do you mean by real love? Love is love, there is no unreal love and there is no real love. Love is simply love and love is enough onto itself; it need not be real, it need not be unreal. But people have ideas for e.g. somebody has the idea 'if love is eternal than it is real' that means you are in search of a rose flower which will never fade will never wither(decay/wrinkle). You'll not find it or if you ever will find it, it will be a plastic rose; it cannot be alive. The alive flower in the morning is there dancing with the wind, whispering with the Sun, playing with the butterflies, all joy, by the evening it is gone, the petals have fallen. And tomorrow you'll not find even a trace where it came from and where it has gone. It came from nowhere and into nowhere it has disappeared. And it was a alive flower. Now people have very stupid ideas about love. One is that it has to be eternal, that prevents them. First they want to make everything sure whether this love is going to stay. Now how can you be sure, nobody can guarantee it. There is no insurance for it. Today it may be there and tomorrow it is gone. And when tomorrow it is gone don't say it was unreal otherwise you've misunderstood the whole point. The real is constantly changing only unreal stays. The real goes on changing, reality is growth, continuous growth, non-ending growth. If there is anything permanent in life and existence. It is change, except change, everything changes. So, don't say it when your love disappears that it was unreal. You have a criterion, a very nonsense criterion that things have to be permanent to be real this idea has tortured millions of people down the ages. And millions of people could not love because of this foolish idea and I'm not saying that love has to disappear tomorrow. I'm not saying. It may disappear, it may not disappear. You have to be open about tomorrow. There are rose flowers some may stay a little longer, and there are rose flower who go very fast and then it depends on the gardeners; it depends tremendously on the gardeners, how you take care of it. It may stay a little while more, you need to have a green thumb like Muktha, Muktha has a green thumb. You have to be very alert, not serious; very playful but yet alert. Love is a delicate phenomenon, very delicate. It is difficult to create to it, it is very easy to destroy it. It is a very delicate note, only few guitar players can create it. It is real delicate note, it is more silence than sound and if there is any sound in it, it is only to function as a backdrop for the silence just to function as a context. You never learnt what love is. You never learnt how to love yourself and you started expecting somebody who will really love you and will accept you. You have accepted yourself? It is very rare to come across a person who really accepts himself. People go on improving upon themselves doing this and that. They are never satisfied with themselves and that's what you have been taught everyday from all the preachers of the world; improve! improve!! but the idea of improvement means never accept yourself; never feel contented with yourself, never enjoy yourself, go on improving, so people become ladder climbers then only one thing how to go on climbing the ladder. And then when they reach at the end of the ladder they look very foolish and silly because now the only art they know is how to go on climbing and the ladder is finished and they don't do anything else then only how to climb ladders so they feel very stuck. It always happens to people somebody has learned how to accumulate wealth and he goes on and on ................... and finally he has more than he had ever dreamt and now he does not know what to do.  He knows only one thing how to accumulate. 

Somebody goes on a power-trip becomes the prime minister of a country and then he is stuck and looks very silly. Just look into the eyes of successful politicians, they look very silly, stuck, the ladder is finished. They've become the prime minister or the president of the country now there are no more runs to the ladder. They know only one thing, how to go on climbing. They have climbed the whole ladder. Now what to do? They are like dogs who run after every car and when they overtake they look very foolish then they don't know what to do. Then suddenly they have arrived, and their whole life they have been thinking to arrive. Now they have arrived. They look very puzzled, they can't think a thing. Their whole mind simply goes fussy, cloudy. Now the only thing that they do is how to remain on this highest ladder because there are other climbers who are coming and pulling their legs and doing all kinds of things. So, they cling to their chairs, this happens to lovers too. You are in search of a beautiful woman or a beautiful man and one day you have found and suddenly you are at a loss. You know only one art how to search a beautiful woman, you've searched. Now there seems to be nothing else left. Unless you know how to play on the inner heart the music whose name is love, the melody which is love even if you find a beautiful person nothing is going to happen. Immediately relationships trans-sour before the honeymoon ends they are finished. You say "I've spent all my life trying to meet somebody who will really love me and who will accept to be really loved by me". First one has to learn how to accept oneself and don't demand perfection in the other. Be human don't ask for inhuman perfection. You have been given very romantic ideas about love and that has been the calamity. You are looking for romantic poetic ideas, people are not ideas of some dreamer poets, people are real people and you are living on poetries. You think of the other in such ways that nobody can fulfill it. Everybody will fall short. And just think you wanted somebody to accept your love but did you accept somebody's love? No you were looking for a perfect lover but when you are looking for the perfect lover remember the other is also looking for the perfect lover. You both have been conditioned by the same society. I've heard Ferraro just like somebody like you, went to a master and said I've been looking for a perfect woman my whole life. The master said: "And did you find her or not?" The man looked very sad he said "Yes, I did". Then what happened? The master asked. Then why you are looking so sad. And the man said but "She was looking for a perfect man". You are conditioned by the same society by the same romantic ideas, you've been fed on foolish poetries which have no relationship with reality. In-fact my own experience is this that poets are the last, from whom you can learn about love, last persons. Your so called poets have nothing to do with love. They have not known love themselves their poetries are simply substitutes for the love that has been missed by them, their poetries are their dreams, their poetries are not based on their experience and we've been fed continuously on these poetries. My own experience of the poets is that they have become poets because they could not be lovers. So, what soever they could not do they write about it, their poetries are serially nothing but dreams of people who are hungry. Just if you go on a fast(fasting, no eating for long time) in the night you'll dream about delicious food. Those poetries are nothing but dreams of people who have not tasted love and naturally to compensate they go on creating better and better dreams. Those poetries are sick, they are pornographic, they trigger your imagination, they give you fantasies. And real people are real people and nobody is here to fulfill your fantasies. Drop your fantasies and you'll see the world is full of beautiful people and if you want to be accepted first accept yourself and then accept somebody's love. Fulfill these conditions and you'll be accepted and don't ask for the impossible. 

You must have lived in a very negative mind. This is the mind of negativity be a little more positive and you'll find something beautiful even in the meanest person. Be negative and you'll find something ugly in the most beautiful person.  If you want to live in a world of ugly people, be negative and you'll make the whole world ugly. It is your mind that will create ugliness all around because you'll be looking only for the ugly, only for the negative, only for the wrong. You'll live in hell, this is what hell is. The negative mind creates hell, the positive mind creates heaven. With the positive mind this very earth the paradise, this very body the Buddha. It all depends on you, how you look, with what eyes you look. The Yanky farmer was being examined by the doctors preparatory to taking out an insurance policy. Ever had a serious illness? asked the examiner. No was the reply. Ever had an accident? No. Never had a single accident in your life? Well, No, I ain't. But last spring when I was out in the meadow a bull tossed me over a fence. Well, don't you call that an accident? No, I don't, that deemed Bull did it on purpose. It depends on you how you look at life. It totally depends on you. You are the creator of your life. It can have tremendous meaning, beauty, joy but you'll have to create it in your heart and you'll have to spread it all over the place. You'll have to create something in you, only then you'll find in existence. Existence equals you. 

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Beyond the invisible (infinity)
"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment."

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